A containment breach concerning my crotch

I've been having a bit of a love/hate relationship with my newest underwear. Let me explain: some time ago I was shopping for some new underoos, and I couldn't help but notice that there was a vast array of styles and cuts that I had never worn before. I soon tried boxer briefs, and found them mildly satisfying as far as comfort goes.

And yet, I was still haunted by some of the more risque styles available for purchase. I have to admit, it took some time to muster the courage to buy the men's string bikini brief underwear. Now this may sound silly to some, but people (especially the ladies), hear me out...nobody I know wears these. Not a single soul. Bikini briefs are the clothing equivalent of those horrible looking foods from Mexico that make you cringe every time you see them. Now, I love Mexico: its people, its language, and most of its food. But honstly, are you going to buy that? Fuck no. But somebody has to buy it, or else they wouldn't stock it. More than anything, I was worried I was really missing out on something heavenly by not buying the string bikini briefs, so I made the bold move to purchase them (although I do have to confess that I still used the U-Scan checkout; my courage does have its limits, after all).

So, what is the verdict, you ask? Well, that is tough to say. For the most part, I like the minimalist comfort they provide. But the major problem I have is the distribution of material. As I have discussed earlier, I have big hips and buttocks, which means that, proportionally, the back of the bikinis has a lot to handle. Unfortunately, the slack needs to be taken up from somewhere else in the garments. And considering that the undies are essentially some fabric in back with a lesser amount amount of fabric up front, tethered together via some thin strings...well, let's just say this can be problematic. Ouch.

And it's not just the occasional snugness that is the problem. When you have a lot of movement and shifting going on behind a small piece of cloth, well, it's only a matter of time before you experience a breach in the containment field. For those still a little slow on the uptake, let's just say the banana can sometimes fall out of the hammock. Is that vivid enough for you?

So, would I buy them again? Can't say for sure. I don't wear them too often as it is, so they are far from my favorite undies. So, for any men still thinking about purchasing some string bikini briefs, take heed. Fairly thee be warned, says I.

I'll be sure to keep the public up to date on any more of underwear adventures. And just so you think I can't top being a guy who wears string bikini underwear, be advised that I'm still contemplating buying this sort of abomination.

Jesus.