I'm a tubby, tubby man

So, I went with my German friend Hanno to buy pants today at some of the hip London shops. And apparently I'm too outrageously fat to actually buy any stylish clothes out here in England. I'm used to some difficulties buying jeans, because my hip, ass and thighs are proportionally larger than my waist size, so most of the pants I try on are pretty tight across the butt and crotchal region. But English jeans take this to a whole new, ridiculous level. I'm about 6' 2" and I weight about 190 pounds, and I was up in the 36 waist size range and they were skin tight. Actually, more than skin tight; they were actually compressing my flesh towards my bones. It was like I was wearing denim biker shorts. Ouch. Not the most comfortable thing I've ever worn.

Now that I am feeling thoroughly dejected and defeated, it is clear to me that I'll have to buy some of those horrible "Husky" pants I had when I was a child. Now, I was fat as a kid. No, I was actually obese, and it wasn't just as a kid, it was clear up through high school. And let me tell you, when I was young, they didn't have any nice looking clothes for fatties like me. I think the key word used to describe the clothes available would have been "rugged". And no, this isn't rugged in the masculine, cool, Marlboro Man type handsome ruggedness. No, this was thick, dark dark blue denim jeans and super thick sweaters rugged. You know, to keep fat kids from ripping through their clothes after they ate one too many Butterfingers. You know, the functional (aka ugly) type of rugged.

So, yeah, now I'm going to have to purchase "Rustler" pants from the Husky section of Sears. If there are any fat people out there reading this, well, I guess I'll see you there, compadres.

Now I'm going to eat a whole tub of ice cream and cry myself to sleep because I'm so fat :(