Is Andy gay? Oh, yeahhhhhhh!!!!

The other day, as I read the newspaper while laying on the floor in my room, the tender touch of sleepiness descended sweetly upon my head. Unable to fight back against the tide of that most gentle state of repose, I gave in, and caught some zzzzzz's (or, as they might say in England, some zed's). Now, you may remember that I mentioned that the heat around London has been stupendous, so much so that a steady stream of sweat has been issuing forth from my body both day and night. So it was scarcely shocking that I came back to consciousness drenched and in desperate need of a shower, which I immediately made my way towards. Disrobing, I noticed that the back of my formerly white shirt had a most delightful shade of pink running the length of its back.

As you may recall from my pictures, the carpet in my room is a rather dark shade of red, and my first inclination was to blame it on the dye bleeding onto my wet shirt. But I think the far more plausible explanation doesn't involve external factors, but rather internal ones. Instead of my sweat drawing the dye out from the carpet, thus allowing it to make the jump to my shirt, I posit that the sweat coming from my body was tinged with my hidden homoeroticism. My hidden gayness has become so pervasive and all-encompassing that it has gone beyond being merely a psychological state and has undergone transubstantiation: it has taken on tangible form and seeped into the very physical fiber of my being. I'm talking pink sweat here, compadres, and it makes me look like I spilled a glass of Pink Lemonade Kool-Aid on me. We're through the looking glass.

And I promise this is the last gay-themed post I'm going to put up for a while, since I'm starting to think that some people are taking my statements less as a joke and more as fact, which is a troubling trend. The comedic element rests with the ambiguity and over-exaggeration of things, but if people start to think I'm genuinely gay, instead of just playing at it, then the joke is spoilt, I think.