How to spot a racist

Bigots can be crafty, surreptitous folk. While many people today are proud of their racist attitudes, others hide their feelings under a veneer of civility. So what can you, the average citizen do to spot a racist hiding in your midst? Well, I had a brief experience last night that may help everyone pick out and ostracize the racists that hide in modern society.

After going out with a few friends to one club, we decided to move on to another spot. I, being the inveterate cheapskate that I am, blanched at paying a $15 cover charge to get into a club I had already been to before and found to be, well, "distasteful" would be a diplomatic way to put it. Anyway, I made my patented Batman-esque escape, in which people turn around and see that I have left without saying anything. This one was another work of genius on my part, as I made sure to be at the end of my line of friends to go into the bar, and when it was my time to go in and pay, I turned on my heel and left. Batman, indeed. Now my friends know how Commissioner Gordon feels.

Instead of heading straight home for bed, I decided to take in a bit of night air and enjoy a little stroll towards a bar my friend Charlie works at. One thing I should mention at this point is that one of the best things about London is that it is a hodge-podge of ethnicities, nationalities, and religions, meaning you can find any sort of food you want here, and you can always count on meeting people from around the world while here. During my walk I passed three blokes standing on a corner, and these chaps looked, at a glance, to be North African...Arab maybe, it is really tough to say. I can only guess at what their ethnicity is, but the important thing for this story is that my lone self and their trio were of visibly different ethnic extraction. As I passed them one of them leaned in close to my face and said, "racist!"

So, there you have it folks: walking down the street reveals that you are a racist. Next time I'll take the bus so people don't think I'm some sort of outrageous bigot.