Bad to the bone

I'll readily admit that I'm not the greatest role model for children. As a matter of fact, I consider myself to be an entity of pure, unadulterated evil. And yet little did I know how easily my presence can contaminate the purity of youth until I spent a little bit of time around Gregg and Mandy's daughter. You see, a group of us get together for football and poker every Sunday, and their two-yeard old daughter is always with us, meaning she gets at least a few hours of contact with me each week.

Over the last two weeks, it has become apparent that I have utterly and wholly corrupted her soul. This last week she decided to take up residence in Raquel's toilet; yes, inside her toilet. And the week before, in the span of five minutes, I saw her carrying around cigarettes, bottles of both beer and hard lemonade, and, in the absolute topper, walking around the kitchen with a butcher's knife nearly as large as herself.

I had to admit, my eyes welled up with tears at this evil little girl. She's got a bright future of cussing, fussing, drinking and fighting in front of her.