How I got it on with a MILF, much to the chagrin of the people watching us

So while I was out in Ireland, I took a trip to what is reputed to be the oldest church on the North Side of the town. And below the ground are a series of crypts where, due to a unique combination of temperature and naturally existing minerals, the bodies have become mummified over time. Since this sounded pretty interesting to me, I decided to take the brief tour to see these bodies.

By the time the tour began, the group I was with consisted of myself and two couples (from Germany, I believe). Anyway, after showing us around the main tunnel we came to a vault with four visible mummies buried under the church. The most interesting one was actually a crusader buried near the back. Apparently when someone who participated in a crusade is buried, their legs are crossed to simulate, well, the cross. Interestingly enough, this guy was so tall (I would guess at least six and a half feet, probably more, which is amazing for the era he lived in) that he did not fit in the box, so they actually broke his legs to make him fit. Another tradition is for people to actually touch the finger of the dead crusader, and our tour guide actually offered us five the chance to do this.

Now, in most group situations, people are hesistant to take someone up on an offer. I, however, have no such problem doing zany stuff, so I was not going to miss out on the chance to rub up on some dead bodies with full church approval. I immediately volunteered and worked my way to the crusader in the back, stepping over the other three bodies to get there. I gazed down at this MILF (Mummy I'd Love to Feel), and then reached down and rubbed his finger.

At this point I walked back out of the vault, and as I had set the precedent, I anticipated that everyone else would follow suit. But it turns out I was wrong. When asked why they didn't want to go, the first couple said "Out of respect for the dead." The second couple echoed these sentiments. Great. So they think I'm disrespectful just because I'm goofing around with some dead bodies, huh? God, it's not like I was picking the bodies up and pretending to dance with them. I mean, I could have laid down next to one of them and said, "Man, this guy has the right idea. I'm beat and this looks comfy, so I think I'll just grab a power nap here for a bit. Could you turn out the light when you leave the vault, please?" Whatever guys...busting his damn legs when they put him in the box isn't disrespectful, but me touching his hand is? Dicks.