I got served...and I sure didn't like it

Who here remembers the movie "You Got Served"? And by remember, I of course mean remember the commercials for it, because I am damn sure nobody I know actually saw the movie. You know, it was the one that looked like West Side Story, with the competitive dancing and music, except this one looked like utter pig feces instead of being a good film? Well, on Friday night I went to a club with my friend Kai, and I got served. And Kai got served. Hell, the whole damn place got served. And I don't think any of us were too happy about it.

Now, I've seen some bad dancing in my day. The absolute low point for me was when I witnessed a move I have subsequently dubbed the "Groin-steigen." It involved one woman sandwiched between two guys, and the girl will suddenly bend over so she rubs her ass and face in two groins simultaneously. She then jumps up and turns around, repeating the process. Just...just powerfully bad dancing...it is hard sometimes to even think abuot it...I'm going to need a moment to compose myself...Okay , I think I am better. Where was I? Oh, yes, the Finnish bad dancing. Well, this involved one guy getting out there and just being really herky jerky, and having his legs splayed out quite wide, like he was riding a horse the whole time.

Just when I mentioned that this first gentleman was one of the five worst dancers I had ever seen, another guy gets out on the floor who went over the top of the other guy on the shit-scale. This man was, and I don't use this word lightly, amazing. He essentially just stood there and twirled around over and over again, managing somehow never to get dizzy. He was a human metronome: regardless of what song came on, he never varied tempo.

But here is when things took a turn towards the bizarre and we all got served. The first guy (horse riding guy) looks over at this other guy and seem to grow angry that somebody is out-crapping him on the dance floor. I looked into his eyes, and his soul spoke to me. And it said, "Oh yeah asshole? You think that is some bad dancing, watch this!!" And he proceeded to turn it up another notch. So I had two guys duelling for the horrible dancing crown right in front of me, trying to out-serve the other. And you know what? It sucked. Bad enough to make me wonder if some sort of human rights violation didn't occur, because no human should ever have to witness such a thing.