Parcel Force! F yeah!

So I'm waiting on a package out here, and I just got an email that it was dispatched. I wanted to see where it was sent from in the UK, so I followed the link to where I was could track my package. I went to the link, and saw that the website was a place called Parcel Force. Holy shit. You have to check out their website, because this business, especially their logo, looks incredibly badass. Oh, and apparently they are sending my package via "Securicor Omega Express." Jesus, are they delivering uranium to me? Am I getting a shipment of gold bars or something? "Securicor Omega Express"? I feel so hard-core getting a package from these guys. I fully expect a full squadron of armed guards to tactically deploy on my residence hall. You know the drill, they are going to pop in some flash-bang grenades, bust through the windows of our common room and scare the living bejesus out of all of us. I know they are going to start barking out orders:

Down down down down down!!!! You!! Don't move!! Give me you hand!! Sign for the package now!! Move move move move move move move move!!!!

I so want to work for this company now, because you know you aren't just an employee, you are a tactical officer. And you don't just drive a delivery van, you drive a Securicor Omega Device. And when you have someone sign for something, you don't give them your pen, you give them your ink rapid deployment system.

I think it is time for Parcel Force to broaden their business scope and take on some more tasks beyond just delivery packages. First step it to get into international peacekeeping. Honestly, if you had a choice between having UN Peacekeepers come to your country, or mothertrucking PARCEL FORCE, who would you rather avoid? I think the question to that one is obvious.