Graywrist the Pirate

Aaaargh, mateys!! I've decided to adopt some bucaneering slang in honor of the fact that I am now Graywrist the Pirate. And no, despite what my previous posts might make you think, that is spelt correctly. I mean gRaywrist the Pirate, not GAywrist the Pirate. While doing some dishes after lunch today (a tasty meal of pasta topped with homemade spaghetti sauce I perked up with some greek olives and top-notch feta), I noticed that on my right wrist, just behind that little knobby bone on the outside, was a single gray/white hair shooting off.

This development did not please me initially, and if I recall correctly, I talked some trash to the hair before clipping it off. Something along the lines of "You 'bout to get clipped, homey. Tell all your whitey friends Andy's comin' for 'em. Call me Arnie, cuz I'm the Terminator." And just before I gave him the scissors action, I heard him scream out to the other follicles, "Listen. And understand. That terminator is out there. It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are dead... You still don't get it, do you? He'll find you. That's what he does. That's all he does! You can't stop him. He'll wade through you, reach down your throat, and pull your fucking heart out!"

I think that, when I pen my memoirs, I title it "The Wrist of Dorian Gray", since it appears that my wrist is soaking up the aging that the rest of me should be undergoing. I've been taking really good care of myself the last five months, exfoliating my skin, using sunscreen and moisturizer constantly, and I've even dropped about ten pounds or so from eating better, so now I look younger than I did a year or two ago. By 2010, I expect to look like a teenager, but have a huge swath of white hair on my right wrist. Kewwwllll....

Speaking of pirates, here is my favorite pirate joke: A pirate walks into a bar, and the barkeep notices a steering wheel sticking out of the fly in his pants. The barkeep says, "hey Mr. Pirate, do you realize that you have a steering wheel coming out of your pants?" He replies, "Aaaargghhhh...it's drivin' me nuts!"

I love that joke.