U see those diamonds? U haul them out.

I don't know how many of you have had to move around the country before, but I know all of you have at least a passing familiarity with the U-Haul trucks that have ads for particular states on them. Has anyone taken a close look at one of these recently? Apparently their traditional understated ads for locations isn't enough for post-literate modern man, because their graphics have gone completely over the top. My friend Andy was helping his friend Cathy move some stuff across country, and Saturday morning her U-Haul truck showed up in front of Richard's house, giving me the chance to see these new graphic first hand. This one, in particular, was for Arkansas. Here is the classic design I was used to:

Not bad, all in all. Fishing seems like something I would probably go to Arkansas for. Truth in advertising, yeah? Well, here is the new advert for that same state, and I have to admit that I cannot bloody wait to go to Arkansas now:
Yes, that's right, the new campaign for Arkansas shows a volcano exploding with diamonds shooting out of it. Note that it says acres of diamonds are there. Acres! Although the text is missing, the truck said that an average of three diamonds a day are found at this state park, and you get to keep any diamonds you find. This is the greatest tourist attraction in history: a state park with an actively erupting volcano that showers you with diamonds. At the earliest opportunity I'm heading to Arkansas. If you are in the area, keep an eye open for me, I'll be the one running around with a bucket, laughing like a school girl as I catch diamonds from above.

How can other states compete with this? Pennsylvania is going to have to start advertising cities with streets paved with gold or, even better, platinum. Missouri needs to have show cloudy skies with thousand dollar bills raining from above. Florida needs to promise sex with busty University of Miami co-eds to every tourist. How else can they possibly compete withe promise of diamonds from heaven?

Note: If you want to see all the new state graphics, they are posted here, along with their traditional designs.