Red Dawn

Russian politicians sure have the life. I was reading an article in the Wall Street Journal the other day about how those with political careers in Mother Russia get special license plates and blinking blue lights for their cars, and these in turn mean that they enjoy a sort of lawless freedom on the roads. In practice, this makes all other cars belonging to private citizens yield to them on the road, even to the point of forcing them to the shoulder to let them pass, and they get to speed around and break any law they want.

I would love that type of freedom. Just think of it: Say you get a hankering to go to Dairy Queen one afternoon, and some arsehole is on the road in front of you, weaving around a bit and only going 45 in a 20 mph zone while you would rather be going 85 mph in that 20 zone. Oh, he'll give you some excuse for driving distractedly: "My wife is going into labor and I'm trying to help her while driving to the hospital." Pshaw!! You think I'm going to stand for that? I'm going to drop the hammer, flip that guy the finger, and yell, "Piss off comrade, I loves me some Blizzard!!"

Then I would buy me two Blizzards at the DQ. Why, you ask? Am I really that in need of creamy refreshment? Naw, son. I figure I've put enough distance between us that I'll pass that slowpoke wanker going back down the other way on the road, so I'll have a second Blizzard to whip at his windscreen. With his vision obscured, he'll have no choice but to put it into a ditch, and as his gas tank bursts into a life-consuming fireball in my rear-view mirror, I'll chortle, lean out the window and holler, "Don't forget to vote Robinson in the next election!!"

Actually, this story isn't that far from fact. In that article, I read where some Governor and his wife were being driven somewhere in their Mercedes by their driver, presumably to pick up his kickback money from the Russian Crime Syndicates. Well, en route they came across an average Russian family puttering down the road, with a blinker on and getting prepared to make a left hand turn. Well, clearly someone so important can't wait for this guy to make his left turn, and seeing as how they were already in the left hand lane because they were passing another car, they dropped the hammer and decided to pass this guy as well. Bad call. The Mercedes clips the front of the family car and rockets off the road into a tree, killing the driver and governor immediately.

You know what the best part of this is? The family-man driver, who worked in a mine or a dock or somesuch, was charged and convicted of killing the politician, getting some four years in the hoosegow. The reasoning? Well, he had the special license plates, of course, which gave him complete and unfettered right of way on the road, and the family-man never should have had his car in the turning lane in the first place when a politician wanted to speed along there.

All I can say is I'm glad I live in a country where when our politicians make mistakes they own up to it and don't expect regular citizens to take the blame. I'd hate to see some life-threatening accident take place due to the negligence and recklessness of one of our politicians, only to be followed up with cowardly, wheedling apologies from the victim:

Oh. Well, never mind. Be sure to vote Cheney in '08, comrades!