Riddle me this: Why do you need to take all the damn cologne?

Everyone knows Matthew Lesko, the guy who runs around in the Riddler costume screaming at strangers "It's all free!!!" Well, apparently this really enormously overweight guy out in Finland took his advice to heart. I was walking through a department store and giving the old sniff test to a few colognes, and had finally narrowed down my favorites when I decided grab a free sample of one. Just as I was about to reach in and take a sample packet, this guy butts in and shoves his ham-fisted appendage into the bucket and cleans out all the samples, save for one.

I was stunned. There was only one left, and he only missed it because it sort of stuck up against the side of the bin and didn't come out straight away. I expected Mr. Lesko to come traipsing in at any moment screeching, "Help yourself tubby! The government gives big grants to fragrance companies, so it's time you got something back! Take all the samples, because it's all free!!"

Regardless of how lame and classless this guy looked while taking all the free samples, I have to admit it was nevertheless impressive that big lumpy hand could so efficiently wipe out almost the entire cologne supply at the display. If nothing else, I think it shows that countless hours of scooping Cheetos into one's face hones a technique which can yield real world results. So here's to you, you greedy and beady-eyed glob of goo. Keep reaching for the stars by reaching for the Cheetos!