Hot-Rod Muscle Never Dies!!

I've been accused of being an overly cynical man; someone supercilious and detached, a quality that has sometime been a detriment to me in my personal life. Yet today I witnessed something that warmed my heart like passionate sermon from a old-timey fire-and-brimstone preacher. Just as I approached an intersection near a highway in Salt Lake City, a red Mustang came towards me on a sliproad that fed onto the main street I was on. Rather than stop at the red light and wait to turn right, he put the hammer down, and those ponies surged as he fishtailed, leaving only a slight wisp of smoke as he cut me off.

What made this so utterly life-affirming was the fact that this Mustang had an emergency donut for a rear, driver-side tire. Now I know the warning label on these generally advise one to travel something like fifty miles per hour, with only a fifty mile range, but what is conspicuously absent from that caution? As near as I can tell, it says nothing about avoiding some bad-ass, muthafuckin' fishtailing as you cut-off some pansy in his Toyota. At no point did the driver (who was wearing a full-bandanna over his head) ever contemplate not rocking out and laying down some skidmarks, spare tire be damned. To paraphrase Kent Brockman, that is the kind of "never give up, never think things through" spirit that makes this country great.

Weak Tea

I have lazy urine. There is no other explanation for the phone call I got today, in which a kindly woman explained to me that my drug test sample from Thursday was too diluted to register on their equipment and I would have to re-submit.

Joy.

Happy early father's day to me!!

I had to submit to a drug test via urinalysis yesterday, and as I approached the counter of the diagnostics company to fill out some paperwork, the lady in charge asked me a question the brought me to a halt.

"Do you have a paternity?"

"Say what?" My mind was racing, I assume that this diagnostic company did a host of tests, paternity tests among them. "A paternity?!"

"No, no, a picture ID."

That wasn't at all embarrassing.

Lazy man's blogging

The cheapest, laziest way to blog is to be a dumping ground for links to other things of interest around the web, and since I'm the laziest guy in the universe, that is precisely what I have been doing for the last few days. To keep that trend going, here is a great performance you can file in the "died too young" category:

Those sterioids paid off

Brian's list of sequels shockingly forgot one film: Rambo 4. I'll give him a pass, because it doesn't have a distributor or release date yet, as far as I can tell, and until recently I wasn't even sure they had started filming yet. That has changed, for the better it would seem. New footage of Rambo has hit the interwebs, and I admit to being interested in it. Look, I have no fondness for the Rambo movies, mainly because I don't really remember them at all. I've actually been vaguely meaning to rent them and catch up with them, and that mission has taken on a renewed urgency with this footage. I love the grit and documentary style it displays, incidentally.

Tune in

Tomorrow afternoon is the Champions League Final featuring Liverpool and AC Milan. Check it out for lots of kicking.

Back on skynet

So my computer access has been spotty, but I should have some new posts up soon. Until then, enjoy a little Henry Lee.

LULZ

Absurd. Yet so darn cuuuuuuuute!!!

Mid-morning ballet break

Polina Semionova and Alessandra Ferri. Enjoy.

Lordi

It occurs to me in that my previous post about Eurovision, I neglected to include last year's winner, who was both Finnish and an absolute aberration in style. Behold the glory that is Lordi, who won with their song "Hard Rock Hallelujah".
Believe it or not, these guys actually had their own cola out in Finland last summer, and I have the picture of it from the grocery store, but I'm not at home and can't get it right now. I'll put it up later so you can see what heavy metal soda looks like--though I must admit I can't speak to its taste, since I lacked the courage to buy it.

Eurovision

Eurovision. Heard of it? Likely not, so allow me to encapsulate its essence: it is a Frankensteinian mix of "Pop/Insert your country name here Idol" and "Rocky Horror Picture Show" during which European countries send D-list talents to a "music" competition for national bragging rights. And, cursed fate, it is in Helsinki this year, and I badly wish I could be around for it; even if I can't attend any performances, the atmosphere of the city takes on a decidedly more, ahem, fabulous mood. That's right, just like Andy, Eurovision is a phenomenon in the gay community, and the acts reflect this. As I see it, most acts fit neatly into four categories: outrageously gay, super-hot girl, genuine musicians (a distinct minority), or the outrageously gay man trying to preserve record sales by appearing ostensibly straight by having super hot backing dancers. At the risk of feeling like the sorting hat from Harry Pottery, here are some of this year's contestants, pictures via The Guardian:

First, the flamboyantly gay:
Second, the super-duper hotness:


Finally, the "I swear to God I'm not gay" contingent:

Oh, and I didn't include the actual artists, because they want to be judged on their music, not their looks. Fair enough, I say.

Thanks, Netflix

I finally saw The Departed yesterday, and loved what a master like Scorsese does when remaking an already good movie (Infernal Affairs). I won't go into a long, rambling review of it, but boy do I love it when a director trusts his audience to pick up on key subtleties during the film...the pregnancy pamphlet, the "man who thinks he can do what you do", the Bill the Butcher-esque moments, etc.

Oh, and I can't get this song out of my head now:


Lose the fucking tail!!!!!

Foreign Legion

Who out there knows people abroad they are trying to keep in touch with? I know Michelle has Jim, who is biding his time on Hoth until the Ion Cannon can clear enough of the Imperial Fleet out of orbit so his transport and X-Wing escorts can get away, but who else? If there is anyone out there, I like to use this service, which lets you send up to 5 free texts overseas a day. Sweet.

Bumper > Face

Under no circumstances should you watch this if you have any human values such as decency, empathy, or pity. I usually don't care for "accident videos", but I put this up because it still ranks as the most painful thing I've ever seen, and it happened to teenagers trying to smack little kids riding bikes.

Jackie Boy

Jackie Wilson is, sadly, somewhat unknown and certainly under-appreciated these days. That makes Andy cry lonely, lonely teardrops.

Go west for love, young man

Apparently there is some confusion about the nature of the relationship between Brian and myself, since someone recently claimed that we had some sort of romantic connection. This faulty supposition was based mainly on the fact that I said I would be seeing him when I move to Oregon for school this fall. That is, by my estimation, flimsy evidence for a homoerotic relationship.

Much better evidence would be the fact that I drunkenly returned his phone call from Friday night on Cinco de Mayo. Now that makes more sense, and that evidence would stand up much better in court (though, I should stress, it is still erroneous).

Shape of things to come

Each spring I start to get inexplicably excited for the summer blockbuster season, despite the fact that I almost always end up disliking the big-budget popcorn movies that litter the theater. Maybe it's psychological inertia, with the good will that winter films have generated giving me undue optimism; this year is no exception, as Volver, Pan's Labyrinth, The Fountain, Children of Men, The Queen, and Notes on a Scandal have all been excellent, giving me hope that this summer's slate will be up to snuff.

From the sounds of it, Spider-man 3 is mediocre (haven't seen it yet), but I have to admit that I am, against my better judgment, anticipating the Transformers movie. Call me a fool, but I really want to see big robots on the movie screen, and some of the designs that have come out are better than I expected. This somewhat silly one, in particular, has me salivating: