The killing stroke

If you live anywhere near a theater that is playing the Irish film "Once", go see it. Now. It's been a while since I've seen such a beautiful and haunting story of love. And I've never been so devastated by one line of spoken Czech in my entire life...absolutely crushing.

Don't be fooled by the posters for the movie; yes, I'm aware they make it look like something Hugh Grant and Julia Roberts would be in, but it is vastly better than what you might think. I don't want to give anything away, but it's a stunning depiction of people coming together at the right time for the right reasons...but will they do the right thing in the end? When this movie ended I wanted to run out onto the street and confess my love for the world, and I think anyone who sees it will want to as well. That is, if you have a soul.

Vicious praying action!!

Not enough toys come with "Forgiving Action" these days.

The Dumping Ground

Man, life in Utah this summer has been weak tea. I'm dying for some craziness to break out in my life...I've been trying to manufacture my own zaniness at work by being fairly inappropriate at all times, but it just isn't enough. I swear I'm about five minutes from snorting some coke and flying to Belize to join the circus. So, watch out everyone in Idaho and Oregon, I've got some pent up energy to burn off over the next few weeks. In the interim I've been using my blog as a dumping ground for links and videos that I don't want to forget about.

Today's video dump is dedicated to international rap. Enjoy.

This first video is from Finnish rappers Bomfunk MCs, and is shot on the underground system in Helsinki. The very beginning reminds me of when some random Finnish guy challenged me to a fight at a bar in Helsinki. His reasoning, as he explained it to me? "You...you are larger than me. But I...I am smarter. I think it would be a good fight." I eventually talked him out of it by giving him the Yoda speech from Star Wars, where I advised him not to stray down the dark path, because once he did, forever would it dominate his destiny. I think his last words to me were, "You've given me much to think about."


This one is a very catchy tune, and I love how you can't even tell the girl is Swedish and the guys are Finnish.


The Brits check in next, starting with Dizzee Rascal.


Here, also representing the UK, is Mike Skinner.



Finally, here is Mala Rodriguez from, I believe, Spain.

The prophecy has been fulfilled!

Any Harry Potter fans out there? Do you recall the prophecies made by Professor Trelawney, and how she tends to slip into a trance-like state as the rare bit of true soothsaying comes tumbling out of her? Apparently, I experienced the exact same thing myself.

It's been, oh, two years now since I was at a bar in Portland, Oregon, with some friends, enjoying a few drinks. All at once a lunatic's calm came over me, and I felt compelled to take out my cell phone and dial up my US Senator from Idaho (where I'm registered to vote), Larry Craig. In a drunken stupor, I left the following message on his voicemail: "Dear Senator Craig, you are gay. Sincerely, you constituent."

Why I needed to do this, I didn't understand at the time, but it has all been revealed to me now. I wasn't just making a joke designed to zing the notoriously conservative and homophobic Idaho political establishment. No, it was much more than that. I was much more than that. Blinded by alcohol though I may have been, the deeper workings of the universe were made plain to me; I was a modern-day Teiresias. Why, you may ask? What is the terrible and beautiful truth that I foretold that has now become manifest? Well, it turns out that Senator Craig is, indeed, gay-o-rama.

Moooooooooooosssssss!!!!

Nalley has left the plane of existence that the rest of us mere mortals exist at and has now entered the realm of the patently absurd. I just got a text message from him in which he informed me that he now has five tvs (which he apparently paid cash for)in his Cadillac. That reminds me of the greatest quote in Randy Moss history, which comes at the end of this Randy Moss highlight video.

"Did you write the check yet Randy?"
"When you rich you don't write checks."
"If you don't write checks how do you pay these guys?"
"Straight cash homey."

The who?

How have I never heard this song? 1980's New Wave synth-pop meets ballet dancing? The 38% of me that is gay is ecstatic.

Fun for the family!!

Dementors

In light of my recent Girls Aloud post, I decided to follow up in order flesh out my comment about liking their videos, despite the obvious musical limitations they exhibit. Make no mistake, their music is fine bubblegum confection, and I enjoy it when I've heard strains of it strike up at a club or bar. But let's call a spade a spade: the main draw is five gals shaking it.

With this caveat, I'm not entirely sure what I was expecting what I clicked on the following link at youtube; it promised a Girls Aloud cover of Amy Winehouse's "Rehab". I'm not the biggest Winehouse booster around, but I fairly enjoy her music, so I was curious what a cover of her biggest song would be like.

Egads. It is with some regret to inform you Girls Aloud are like the Dementors from Harry Potter: if they get the chance, they will perform their kiss on you, sucking your very soul out in the process. Winehouse makes the regret, defiance, and self-destructive bravado of Rehab manifest, while Girls Aloud speak on the same issues with all the authority of people who have led lives unencumbered by dependency and terrible instincts. None of this is meant to speak to the actual lives of the member of the group or Amy Winehouse; indeed, I have no idea what any of them have lived through. As far as I know, Winehouse is a thoroughly middle-class gal from London, but that point is irrelevant. Art is about tapping into truth and making it real, even through the use of lies. In some ways this recording reminds me of something a music writer once penned about the madding appeal Tom Jones; he essentially argued that Tom Jones was blissfully oblivious to any subtext-let alone text-in a song. He muscled his way through every tune in the same bombastic baritone, wholly disregarding subtlety and craftsmanship. All the same, we listen enthusiastically. Just listen to this and you'll understand.

Heel

This video of Ted Dibiase is hilarious, and why the golden era of professional wrestling in the 1980's will never be surpassed. His upper crust shtick is perfect, and if Wikipedia is to be believed, the suits at WWF helped sell the gimmick by booking him on first-class flights, in five-star hotels, and by giving him large bills to spread liberally around in public. If I ever win the lottery, I'm going to model my lifestyle around the Million Dollar Man, mainly so I can have exchanges like:

"Mr. Dibiase! What a terrific honor to meet you!"
"Well of course it is."

And I would be damn sure to wear my Count Dracula pimp cape around in public and announce my entrance in any building by yelling out "I'm here!! I'm here!!" Splendid.

The Final Frontier

I'm quickly running out of ways to be low-class and generally inappropriate at work these days. The other day during meetings they actually had to post a guard right behind the table I was at to keep us from having side conversations while our bosses were giving presentations. I could scarcely believe it.

I think the last thing I need to do is to drink on the job. Will it happen? Inquiring minds want to know.

For the sake of posterity

Future generations may one day wonder what the colloquial definition of "cheesecake" is, and as a service to those historians yet-to-come, I submit the following video as exhibit A, overflowing as it is with cheesecake goodness:


Oh, you tarts!! I have to say I love Girls Aloud videos, even if the music is generally awful.

Who am I?

We were doing "get to know you" games at work last week, and one exercise involved going around the class and voting which cartoon character each of our classmates most reminded us of. After the class assigned a character to a person, we were able to answer who we thought we were most like. Strangely enough, I wasn't even voted as cartoon character; Dr. Evil took the victory lap in this contest, with Professor Farnsworth taking second place.
Who did I think I was most like? I made it a tie, the first one I nominated was Race Bannon from the Johnny Quest cartoon:
My reasoning, and I quote myself accurately here, "I'm a two-fisted adventurer who likes to punch out the locals."

My second character was Bender B. Rodriguez from Futurama.
The justification for Bender? Again, I quote: "Like him I drink, I swear, I smoke cigars, I'm always on the verge of being arrested, and I like hooker-bots." The topper was when someone actually asked me to clarify this last point by putting this question to me: "Hooker-bots? Are those robot hookers?" "Yes, yes they are."

I'm actually going out of my way to be inappropriate at work these days. I met with my new bosses on Sunday and we had to do an ice-breaker, and my question was name one embrassing moment. I proceeded to regale my new overlords with tales of me drunkenly stripping in front of people. Totally appropriate.