The new style

Over the last few weeks I've noticed that I've been trying to accomplish (if that's the word for the modest actions I've been doing) things I've never tried before. Minor things all, I've still been trying to knock down a few things on life's "t0 d0" list. The first was about two weeks ago when, after having a glass of white wine with some dinner I cooked, I placed the remainder in the cooler. Two days and no more glasses of wine later I noticed that I still had about 3/4 of the bottle left, and since wine should be consumed within about two days of being opened, I decided the time was ripe to get drunk by myself for the first time in my life.

I'm not entirely sure what motivated me, actually. Perhaps it was curiosity about the life of an alcoholic. I like to think it was a moment of decision for me; I sort of figure that I'm the "Dan Marino of my generation" when it comes to love, so it is pretty much a given I'll spend the rest of my life alone, but will I do it sober or drunk? And so I decided to get drunk for only the second time in the last five months, and the first time in my life by myself.

So, how was it? Terribly banal, I'm afraid. I spent my time watching "Firefly" on DVD, and I found that if you are sitting still in a dark room, it is pretty hard to tell if you are drunk or not. Without wobbling around while standing or seeing blurry things around you, it is actually not that different. Only when I was making goo-goo noises at the cat right before I went to bed did I realize I was a bit drunk.

The second item on the agenda was to wash my car at night, and I mainly did this because I was driving to Portland early the next day and wanted a clean car to reduce wind resistance on the road. I quickly realized my enterprise was folly when I sprayed my car with the washing wand and the water immediately froze into a lovely sheet of ice on my car. Brilliant. It wasn't until later the next day that all the ice finally melted off my side mirrors after my attempt to wash my car in sub-freezing temperatures.

The third thing will hopefully come about tomorrow, when I attempt to buy one move ticket and see two or three movies on it. There are quite a few movies I've been wanting to see that aren't playing near me in Idaho, so it is time for me to knock them down as cheaply as possible. With any luck the 17 year old ushers won't cotton on to my ploy and call the cops.

Wish me luck!

That's entertainment!

Portland has a new TV star.

Oh, and Michelle, I should be rolling through Washington in the coming weeks, I'll call you soon to let you know when the Tri-Cities will be receiving me.

Too much grog

Don't ask why, but Richard and I were looking around the internet for pictures of cheerleaders at schools we have been associated with, and we came across the team picture for the Portland State Vikings. I love this picture because it candidly catches a clearly drunken viking passed out on the steps of a building. I am wholly convinced they planned the shoot for some other locale, but had to move it to this place impromtu to accomodate the immobile, blotto Viking. I really wish I was more proficient in photoshop, so I could remove the cheerleaders and add in some empty Milwaukee's Best cans around him.

A time bomb

I promise to stop posting sports-related stuff soon, but recently Brian put up a post that included this line "I would like to see Peyton Manning continue his career as the Dan Marino of his generation." This sentiment was most famously and hilariously put out there by former Bengals quarterback Boomer Esiason, who said essentially the same thing while Marino was on the set with him, a scant two chairs away. Marino seems to take it in good humor at the beginning, but by after about twenty seconds he levels a withering glare on Boomer that would have killed a lesser man.

Oh, and for the record, Boomer Esiason lost both Super Bowls he appeared in.

UPDATE: After a bit more research (and by research I mean clicking on a few more links on youtube) it seems Danny boy has an explosive temper when he is in the TV studio. Watch this great reaction to the flub of his line while trying to tape a segment, and note the reaction of people around him. I looks like they have come to expect and fear this type of behavior from the time bomb that is Marino. Awesome. I wonder if Dan got TV etiquette lessons from Robert Novak?

Also, now that I think about it, doesn't Marino look a lot like Tom Jones?
Alas, now that I've made that mental connection, I can't stop singing "Time bomb" to the tune of "Sex Bomb". Good luck getting that out of my head in the next day or two.

I'm melting!! Oh, what a world!

There are few things in the world finer than when sports personalities completely go insane in the public eye, and the finest examples are the members of the coaching staff. I can understand their frustration sometimes: they best they can do is scheme, devise and plan out the action, all the while cajoling and encouraging their players. Yet at no time can they physically control the action; they never shoot a ball, catch a pass, or throw a pitch, and thus feel impotent and frustrated when it all goes wrong, and are reduced to highly emotional meltdowns in front of the first available camera. Here are a few of my favorites over the years.

**John L Smith, formerly football coach at Michigan State University, has had to deal with the pressure that comes from being second banana program in the state to the University of Michigan, so he has little margin for error. You have to love his cool demeanor when dealing with his own coaching mistakes, though.

Come on John, how about a little self love, huh?


Uh, guess not.

**Also appearing on the list of Jim Mora, who had a great exchange with reporters that recently appeared in a Coors Light ad. In a later stint with the Saints (commonly referred to as the Aint's due to their history of futility), Mora gives a fairly frank appraisal of his team.

**A recent entry is Dennis Green's explosion after being on the losing end of a massive collapse earlier this year.

**Hey, Herm Edwards, why do we play the game?

**Although he isn't a coach, I can't get enough of Allen Iverson's practice speech. You have to sit through to his classic last line.

Zardoz

In my earlier post, I talked about how incredible Zardoz was. I couldn't let it just stand, though, so I went to youtube to rustle up some clips. I adore this film, ever since I saw it on the big screen at Idaho State University Theatre. So great. There is even one scene in the film where it looks like it is actually candid footage of Sean Connery trying to escape the disaster that is being filmed on set; he is running through the forest like a fugitive, constantly looking back. Truly awe-inspiring stuff.

Anyway, click here for the trailer. Also see here here, here, and here for more deliriously wonderful goodness. And if you learn nothing else from this movie, remember this: Zardoz says the penis is bad!!

The Ridwickerulous Man

Has anyone else seen the original Wicker Man? I finally saw it this summer on DVD, and although it had more than a few of the tell-tale signs of 1970's quasi-folky/new age absurdity in it (also seen in the preposterous Zardoz), I found it to be a rather interesting, atmospheric and moody film. Worth seeing on rental, certainly.

But apparently the word on the internet is that this summer's remake from Neil LaBute is comedy of the highest magnitude. All the reviews and insider stories I've read about it make it sound like the last act of it reach the heights of silliness, and it looks like a "best-of" clip has finally made its way to YouTube. Hilarious. I just wish I knew how I could bring the honey back by kicking women in face.

The deadlines that weren't

As much as I enjoy school, I loathe trying to navigate through the application process for most places. Not only is taking the GRE bad enough, but it is difficult to get your scores reported on time to where you want them, even if you order them weeks in advance of deadlines.

Particularly galling to me, though, is the backwards manner in which merit-based aid is dispensed by many schools. I was seriously considering applying to the University of British Columbia, located in Vancouver, until I found out that their deadline for merit scholarships was in September, while their deadline for applications was several months later, in mid-January. Huh?

This problem is even rearing its head now, as I apply to my final school choices. One of them is Boston University, which, like most schools, has a mid-January deadline for those wishing to be considered for merit aid. Here, I'll let them explain:

For most programs, the deadlines for admission with full consideration for all available forms of Graduate School merit-based financial aid are January 15 for Fall admission and October 15 for Spring admission. Adhering to these deadlines will ensure that you are considered for all available forms of merit-based financial aid, both University-wide and departmental. However, individual programs may have earlier deadlines.

Seems fair enough, right? Just to be sure the Arts and Sciences school didn't have earlier deadlines I checked the department and it says January 15, so that is what I counted on. But then I got to an entirely different web page and read some fine print on the actual merit based programs themselves:

Nominees are proposed by the Graduate School of Arts and Sciences departments, divisions, and programs. Nominations are proposed early in the admissions application processing cycle. Applicants who wish to be considered should, therefore, submit their admission applications well before the January 15 deadline.

So, apparently I need to have my application in by the 15th to be considered for all available aid, except that the aid that is available requires that you apply well before the 15th. Here's a thought, why not just push the deadline up so people know when to apply and don't have to guess. And why in the world would you decide on who gets financial aid before they even get admitted to the school?

I've already spent a good deal of money getting transcripts and scores sent to the school, but now I have to call the school itself and see if my online application will be eligible for financial aid still. Do I spend the $70 application fee and pray I get some financial aid, or do I assume it is already gone and save the money?

All Hail Seizure!!

Sometimes my dog, Schnitzel, scares me. Not in the "I'm rabid and I'm about to bite you" type of scary, but more in the "I'm on the verge of death" scary. For those of you who haven't seen him, imagine a rat and a pile of charcoal mated, and you would have my dog. He is an ill-shaped, lumpy dog, with random sprouts of uneven hair. He also is ancient, old to the point where he needs to take daily heart medicine, which makes me worry about his longevity at certain points.

This is most worrisome when I take him in the car with me, because he gets so excited about going for a walk at some point that he begins to shake terribly in the seat next to me. It really gets kind of scary sometimes, since his whole body vibrates and it looks like he is about to die from a seizure in the car next to me.

Maybe I should pack a doggie defibrillator in my car.

Scene of a crime

The other day I took one of my dogs for a walk, and while doing so passed a small park in a fairly quiet neighborhood. My second pass of this park, en route back to my car, seemed a bit odd, mainly because there was a single, small backpack left on the sidewalk near the curb of the road. Given that I didn't notice the backpack on my first pass, and also that it was situated fairly near the empty swingsets, I had the distinct impression that a small child had just been kidnapped moments before.