Sleep one eye up, everyone

Been some time since I've posted, and the news really isn't good for my dad. Those in the know are aware that the last three years for me have been, well, atrocious. It seems like those closest to me are continually going away. I think I'm the strongest proof yet of the existence of god, since someone is out to get me. I'm reminded of an exchange between Kirk and Khan:

James T. Kirk: Khan, you bloodsucker! You're going to have to do your own dirty work now, do you hear me? Do you?!
Khan: Kirk! Kirk, you're still alive, my old friend.
James T. Kirk: Still! Old! Friend! You've managed to kill just about everybody else, but like a poor marksman you keep missing the target!
Khan: Perhaps I no longer need to try, Admiral. [Beams up Genesis Device]
Carol Marcus: Oh, no!
David Marcus: They can't take it.
James T. Kirk: Khan. Khan, you've got Genesis. But you don't have me! You're going to kill me, Khan, you're going to have to come down here. You're going to have to come down here.
Khan: I've done far worse than kill you. I've hurt you. And I wish to go on... hurting you. I shall leave you as you left me, as you left her. Marooned for all
eternity, in the center of a dead planet. Buried alive... buried alive.
James T. Kirk: Khan! [echo] Khan!

Figured I would just give everyone the heads up that someone is out to get me, so if you know you should sleep one eye open and keep those peepers peeping, because you never know when that poor marksman is going to miss the target yet again and hit somebody I know.

Fairly thee be warned, says I.

The Big C

Earlier this week my father was taken to the hospital due to some health issues, and it turns out that he has cancer of the colon and liver. Surgery to remove the cancerous colon blockage and associated problems seemed to go okay, and now he needs to recuperate before beginning chemo-therapy, while the liver spot treatment can safely be postponed for the time being.

I generally wouldn't put a post like this up on my blog, but I wanted those who did know what was going on to understand, if I do decide to post over the next bit, why I am doing. As ever, humor will be my refuge and my defense mechanism. Any jokey posts I make are not in the spirit of being flippant, but rather as a way to keep my mind off my dad being in the hospital while I am 7000 miles away.

Enticement

No matter what happens I can't seem to keep gayness out of my everyday life. On Saturday I went to a street market with a friend, then to a museum, and on the way back home decided to swing by Oxford Street to pick up some sunglasses I had eyed earlier. Coming out of the Oxford Circus tube stop, however, I soon realized that our quick stop was going to take a good deal longer than expected. The reason? Why, it was the Gay Pride Parade on Oxford Street that we had both forgotten was going on that day! Hmm, why do I mysteriously feel so comfortable around all these bald, gay men?

Sure enough, like all those other sneaky gays, these ones were out in force, trying to recruit decent, God-fearing straights everywhere! Why, just look at all this fine man flesh on display, doing everything they can to tempt other men with their well-toned, hairless bodies!

Oh, and does anyone feel like going to the Roller Disco later?

Oooh baby, I like it raw!

So the other night Elkhan decided to make some BBQ chicken legs he picked up, pre-seasoned, from the store. Quite bizarrely, though, he decided to fry them up in a pan instead of roasting them in the oven, and his reasoning was a bit shocking: despite cooking almost everyday of his life, he has never once used an oven, only the hob (or burner, as we call them in the States). Of course you can see the problem with this: thick, cylindrical legs don't cook well on flat pans that only impart heat to a limited area at a time, so when he started to eat his plate stacked with legs, he found them to be raw. And not just a tinge undercooked, but rather raw to the point of bright red blood flowing from the deepest recesses of the leg. Take a look:

What made this event even better was the after-effects. When confronted by our questions about his sanitary habits (none of us will eat his meals anymore because of our concerns about his handling of raw meat, and the fact he never washes his hands; actually, I won't eat anybody else's food, especially on floor, populated as it is by Elkhan and also a guy who seems to have his hands permanently glued to the inside of his basketball shorts and maniacally and ceaselessly rubs his testicles...blech), Elkhan responded to our worries by saying that since he studied in a US Department of Defense High School in Dubai and got military-level shots he now considers himself immune to salmonella. At worst, he says, he'll either have to get some penicillin shots or else wait for his fever to get sufficiently hot to kill off the bug inside him. Needless to say, I'm not exactly rushing to Elkhan for medical advice.

So you've been warned...if you see the man in the following (blurry) picture offering you dinner, you take your life in your own (hopefully non testicle-rubbing) hands.

Who knows? Maybe he and the Old Dirty Bastard have something in common.